2011년 5월 12일 목요일

Drive, driving, driven.

Oh hey hi.

I realised now, nobody really likes music on blogs yeah? Somehow disrupting what you are listening and stuff? I get that often too, if i visit someone else's blog and i'm listening to my own music and their music just overlaps with mine. Irritating...

So i had English Oral this morning. Honestly, i think i did well for my reading. Yes there's booboo here and there but at least i think this was the best one that i did out of my 3 and 1/2 years in secondary school life. As for picture discussion, didnt really went that well. The picture itself was hard! I couldnt describe what the guy was sitting on. My friend could actually link it to ROWING which i really have no idea what that photo has got anything to do with rowing. Yup, i have absolutely no idea what the picture was about.

Tomorrow is chinese oral and as most of you if not some know, that im really bad at my chinese language. I really dont know how i'm going to carry a conversation with the chinese teacher tomorrow. I'm praying really hard that Mr Ong is not my teacher. I'll cry really.

I'm going to have dance marathon @ Oschool with Liqian tomorrow from 6.30-9.30pm and on Saturday too, with Brice. I'm excited, because its been quite sometime since i last went there and also, dance. :)

2011년 5월 10일 화요일

Sugar, Spice and everything nice.

Okay you know what? I've decided to start up my blog again. I feel that my english language has been real bad recently. I've been typing too much shortcuts because of twitter and it must have affected how i write and my sentence structures during exam. GOSH THAT IS A REAL BAD ISSUE. Oh and i'm sorry for my previous blog post. I was just frustrated and needed somewhere to rant my nonsensical crap. So pardon me. :\

I've been doing not so well recently. First things first, prelim 1 is almost over and ha ha. Obviously i screwed up. Actually if i was more confident in what i was revising and had more time, i wouldve done better in my humanities. As for math.... Such a disappointment. I feel like i should just dig a hole and hide my head inside. Language wise, like i said, i havent been doing really well lately. Its just a downhill for everything, basically. -_- I'm not smart, i'm not stupid either. I'm just pure lazy. I wish i could just kick off those lazy bones. It'll really help alot, i swear.

Enough with the studies. I think i have a split personality. Actually i feel that everyone does. We can actually put up a strong front when there are people around you. When you're left alone, you just feel, helpless. Do you get what i mean? Nobody can make you feel good. Nothing. You're just weak and pathetic and i really dont know what other words can describe that despondent feeling. Its just terrible to keep feeling that every night.

As i grow a year older each year, i feel like i have gotten colder to the opposite sex. During sec1, fuck man i should just admit that i talk to any guy who flirts with me, gives my number to anyone who wants it. It was hell of a year. Until someone turned up and changed my life for that short period of time. I have no idea why i felt like i was in wonderland. Like seriously, in the past, i felt like he was my everything and i'd die without him. K enough with that crap. I think no one expected i was such a bitch. Well i was. Then when i went to sec2, i started to have infatuation with a guy whom i dont even know from church for wtf 2years? -_- Yeah i know i'm NUTS.

It was starting of sec3 that i started to hate guys alot. 1st, i dont understand whats so important about appearance. 2nd, i get adds from people i dont even know and they start judging me based on my photos. WHAT THE FAUK. 3rd, "i like you. can we stead." <- THIS IS THE WORSE SENTENCE, EVER. Damn guys, please grow up. I dont believe you can actually 'like' someone just because you're attracted to his/her appearance. That sort of 'like' will eventually fade off. So why waste time on such jerks? MOVE ON. Love at first sight? Tell me how and why. Are you nuts? Do you know his background? Do you know how he is like? Do you know what he likes and dislikes? Do you know whats his hobby and can you read his mind even if he isnt talking? If your answer to all or most of the questions above is a "NO", then gurl, stop crapping with the love at first sight shit.

Sorry that i'm too against males but...... No one proved that i was wrong right? Yes there is one, SORT OF. But you're such an on and off. One moment you can treat me like a princess and care like some crazy person and the next, you leave me hanging there thinking i should just throw you in the bin. I dont know. My gut feeling tells me that i should hang on but i really dont know what result am i expecting. Its either, 1, i'm too paranoid. 2, you're trying to get my attention(wtf?) 3, you're obviously using me. You really dont seem like a bad guy. But i really got no prove to anything. You might probably tell every girl the same thing cuz like me, THEY ALWAYS FALL FOR IT. Yes this is every girl's weak point. Lol. I dont know what to say.

I want to text you things like, "what happened to you. why havent you text me for so long.", show some concern or just simply start a conversation. But 3/4 is stopping me from doing that. My mind keeps telling me that you're doing this to every single girl, and you're getting sick of me. Hence, you dont even bother replying. So why the hell should i start texting you and fall into your trap man? Every minute im thinking thinking thinking and i bet my life you dont even know that. I'm sorry i really dont know how to express myself but UGGGGGGHHHHH.

Sorry i dont even know what i'm posting already. So, byebye. I promise i'll try to keep up with posting. But hmmmm, thats only if i get readers la... ._. LOL byebye.

2011년 5월 6일 금요일

You love me for who i am? What a joke

Can somebody give me a reason to smile? Why when everytime i feel happy that someone actually cared, something HAS to happen?
You know what, i know i'm not perfect. I'm ugly, fat, gigantic, bla, whatever synonyms you can find.
BUT I STILL HAVE A BLOODY RED HEART. I'm a fucking human and i got feelings.
How can you just come into my life and leave just cause god knows what reason and excuse.
Oh my god. Don't say i didnt try. I did. But well, i cannot say anything. You're no longer my property.
You can do whatever you want and hell, NOBODY CARES.
I just want you to know that, you are just one of the many that brings down the pride of Singaporean Males.
I know that there are people who are good, and i dont wanna judge them.
BUT I MUST BECAUSE MY HEART SAYS SO. I'm stubborn i'm annoying i'm irritating i'm cold, WHATEVER.
It's just fucking me and i know nobody is able to accept that except the 6 friends that i've got.
Its just a matter of time really. All those sweet talks <- what the fuck you should stop that. it doesnt work on me but i just find it disgusting.
All those fake concerns that you give, omg. i swear until now i have no idea what motive you've got in your mind.
I hate how you always treat like nothing happened. I hate how you always try to think i will text you back, knowing that i wont.
To tell you the fucking truth, even though i'm dying to talk to someone, i'll never fucking text that someone, regardless of who you fucking are.
& yes i DID care about you. sad that you couldnt tell. cuz if you see how i talk to other people, i know you'll know i care.
BUT FUCK IT. you were the one who initiated everything. idgaf. its friday and i'm annoyed over this.
wasting my time and effort and cells. after whatever you've told me yesterday, you just come and go, as and when you want.
so now, what do you take me for? a fucking toy? lol. what a joke. please just spare me.
i really shouldnt have even stepped into this pile of shit. yes i'm grateful that you took care of me on the day that im sick.
im grateful for everything that you've done i'm serious. but its not consistent. everytime you do something, i'll go like, fuck i shouldnt treat you so bad.
but right after that thought, you'll do something to make me upset and really im speechless.
you wanna free yourself from me, so that you have more choices to choose from and i'm fucking one of them.
let me tell you, I AM NOT A FUCKING CHOICE. ITS EITHER ME OR NOTHING. what fucking choice have you got huh.
dont ever put me in your 'choice' list or i'll freaking take a parang and chase after you.
and guys cant simply put this in their head: when we let you go, we want you to show us that you want us back. NOT LET US GO.
dumb ass. really you live up to your name.