It's haunting me.

I'm so pissed off right now. Like seriously i feel that there is a need for me to post this out. But i dont know, this might be deleted right after i type my last word. It happened in so many posts. Lol.

No one understands me. I hate it when people sympatize me. I cannot stand it when people try to be close to me, gain my trust and then the next day, treat it like nothing happened. I hate how people always text me so often and yet when met in real life, pretend like i'm a piece of transparent wall. C'mon, if you claim you know me, you should know that i dont take initiatives. I know its a very bad point but yeah what can i do?

I seriously cannot explain my feelings out. I dont know how. The kind of feeling when you know your status compared to a normal friend is one level higher but you also know he/she doesnt give a damn. The kind of feeling when you know how much you yourself hate it when he/she has alot of text messages and your 1 message, doesnt make a difference. The kind of feeling when your supposed-to-be closest friend gets jealous over the smallest things. Things like me talking to a boy whom i've talked to like forever and have already stopped talking to her for awhile. Things like me being close with another friend. What the hell my life seems so screwed.

I've got so many things bottled inside i feel like i'm gonna explode anytime. Ha but you are happy hor? You got so many people to go to and you still happily treat me like transparent wall. GOOD. Just continue judging me by how i look la k. I'm already used to it. I dont care anyway. I hate how 2011 is going. It's 8th January today. ITS ONLY the 8TH of the 1ST MONTH. What is going on? I was supposed to start studying at 1pm today but someone spoilt my mood. Making me unable to concentrate till now. I've wasted 3 god damn hours. No one is willing to tell me anything about DNT. I'm so crazy right now i can scream until hillside mansion can hear me.

I dont want to stay home. I feel like home is a place where all the ugly thoughts come into mind. No one is beside me. I'm all alone. I want to study, but my bed always seduces me. I really really want to score well this coming test. I really want to go Korea. I really want to bloody prove my parents wrong. But how....... Talk is cheap... :( I want school everyday. Sigh.

When i'm always in this state, no one is ever here for me. No one... Everyone is busy with their own lives. Everyone has got their own problems, i understand... But i believe almost everyone surely has got someone whom he/she can tell his/her problems to, right? I dont. Sometimes random people just ask me if i'm ok. What for? I already grouped you under the random column. I dont trust you. So why should i tell you my problems. But those whom i expect to ask me if i'm ok, simply doesnt give a damn.

Yeah this time i'm seriously terribly upset. Sigh. Goodbye.....