메리 크리스마스♥

 

 안녕하세요~ I wish everyone a very Merry Christmas. Hope most of you out there are having a time of your lives :)

All i want for christmas is you.

Hello.

I'm gonna have tuition later again. English this time round. Ugh.. It's gonna be another hell-ish 2hours. Where to find the mood to study when i know tomorrow's Christmas' Eve? Sigh every freaking christmas also so boring. If only i can follow Alexea and co tomorrow. It seems fun to me. Well at least its better than being stucked at home, entertaining people whom i dont know. Its not like my house has a swimming pool or a pool table or a karaoke room. It's so boring!!!!! This year i dont even bother looking around for gifts. I only invited my clique. I am 100% sure they wont buy gifts. Lol. I dont feel Christmas is near at all. There is not even 1/10 of my neighbourhood decorated for Christmas.

Started watched Mary Stayed Out All Night since yesterday. Now i'm at episode 10 already. 2 more episodes and i have to start waiting for the other 4 episodes to be out. I shall watch the other 2 episodes tonight. I think ep 13 & 14 will come out tonight and tomorrow. Stay tuned, to those who are watching~ :) I wanna click Funshion and watch Hello Stranger but i know my butt cannot take it man. Wished i could watch it on my phone but ...... LOL dont have.

I want to be in Korea.... I want to celebrate christmas in a cold place like Korea... I want to wear thick clothing, wear earmuffs and scarfs and beanies. I hate Singapore, alot :( I want my life to be like those in dramas. :( At least something always happens in dramas. In my life, it's dull and boring and i'm sick of this. I want to make new friends. Or at least i want to find someone whom i can hang on the phone for the whole night and wont get sick of it, someone who would text me 24/7 with all meaningful texts and not one word text messages, someone who knows where to find me when i go missing, someone who knows what i'm thinking even without me telling. Where did all the good people disappear to???????! Where!!!

You're the only one.

I swear the tagboard is annoying me. I rather not have any comments than to have a bunch of retarded bots spamming my tagboard. Idiots sia. Last time dont have such thing. SINCE WHEN IT BECAME SO OFTEN?! Kay i dont care.

Just returned from Malaysia. I'll probably rate the trip 5/10. I'm sorry but i've been quite pissed off with my mom for quite a number of times and vice versa. Well she's my mom right? What can i do?! -.- Nothing but to admit defeat. Sometimes i swear she's in the wrong. But this is like sales. The customer is FOREVER right. -_- If my mom sees what i've posted here, i bet my entire life in that she'll definitely lecture me.

It was shopping most of the time. Mom dont allow me to buy hoodies anymore. Like wth? I like hoodies. It's my style. Even tho the weather's hot, i wear it! Cuz i wear it to shopping malls what! Shopping malls hot meh!? Walao eh. Then she rather spend money on clothes i wont wear. SHE SAID IT HERSELF. She said i'd simply waste her money cuz i wont wear it. Ugh. Things that i'd wear, she wont buy. Walao eh. What logic? She wants me to wear clothes that would definitely make me look fat. I DONT SAY I'M FAT BECAUSE I WANT PEOPLE TO SAY I'M NOT. I swear i say it because i mean it. C'MON. You have to feel comfortable with what you wear so you will have confidence right!? My mother should know that what! HEY, we're in the same kind of situation where our body is hopeless. I'm only a few sizes smaller than you. SO WHAT?! AFEW SIZES SMALLER THAN YOU IS NOT SMALL AT ALL! Compare me with my friends, i'm a fucking giant and i'm fucking depressed. Telling me to wear something that shows my fats simply kills my mood seriously. Now if anyone gets me a hoodie for christmas present, birthday present or whatever present? I'd be definitely happy. -.-

Didnt really played the theme park. Only played ONE roller coaster, lmao. Cuz those who've been to Sunway Lagoon, you know 3/4 of the theme park is a water park. & I dont want to get myself wet. I know i'd get sunburn lol. Brother and dad played in the water for awhile while i'm left alone in a corner, thinking about you know who.

After that when we went for lunch, i found wifi. Hurriedly checked my mail, and as expected, he didnt reply. WHAT SHOULD I DO TO MAKE YOU TALK TO ME?! WHAT!?!?!??! You drive me nuts sometimes seriously. Sleepless nights, huge eyebags, headaches, omg. You know, even if you said a simple "yes/no" in a message or something, I WOULD EVEN BE HAPPY. I feel like i'm tryna get a superstar to talk to me or something. WHY BE SO HARD! You're human and I AM TOO. What am i to you man? WHAT? Someone who is desperate for love?! YOU MUST BE KIDDING ME. If i were, i would have tens of boyfriends before already. Why need to wait for 2years and STILL NOT KNOW YOU!? UGH. I reallyyyyyyyyy dont understand. I REALLY DONT. Can you seriously explain!? People say i'm crazy. I KNOW I AM. But wtf can i do. I seriously dont know what the hell am i doing.

Okay lets just say you dont want to talk to me. BUT YOUR MERE PRESENCE BRINGS A SMILE TO MY FACE. You should know that. I KNOW YOU DO. So why cant you just pass by my house afew times? WHY!!!!! Gawd you're killing me. I wish someone can tell me you're on a holiday and hence you cannot excess to your mail and you havent seen my mail. I'd be so comforted even tho i know it will never happen.  

Since i've already mentioned all the bad parts of the trip, let's start with the positive moments. Daddy was being the center person during the whole trip. He also knows mom was being unreasonable most of the time. He told me and brother to be more understanding because my mother can never joke around. Even if she does, its not laughable at all. It's just pure lameness. ._.  Okay so yeah. He also joke around to bring the mood up. Thanks. For once he wasnt talking about studies and i'm so happy.

Spencer and daddy played pool and it was totally a joke. I laughed until my throat almost dropped out. HAHAHAHA SPENCER LA. HE KEEP HITTING THE WHITE BALL IN! If not hor, the ball confirm jump cuz he anyhow hit!!! Then the 2nd game, HE SHOOT IN THE BLACK BALL, jackpot... FIRST BALL LEH. LMAO MAN. I think he really got alot of fate with black and white.. So funny. Laugh until i die.

I'm sorry that this post is so HOT, so ANGSTY.. I know no one reads my blog anymore. I only need ONE person to read it, and thats you. I want YOU to stalk me back. WILL YOU!? No. I apologise to my mum publicly since i've written so much with such hot temper. I know i've sinned. Lord please forgive me. But sometimes i really just need to vent. I'm sorry. I've got no one to talk to. Even if i do, i know that person wont understand me at all. They are not in my position, they wont know how i feel. AT ALL. My parents CAN NEVER understand me. That's a fact. Theres an age gap. And its something we cannot change, whether my parents accept it or not. Yes they might be the closest kins to me, but they know that they dont know me 100%. So how can ANYONE else know me? Dont lie to yourself. I'm sorry, i really am. I'm not in the mood right now.    

You're amazing just the way you are.

Okay hello. I'm kinda in the right mood to blog right now. Cuz the negative ions are all coming back to me. I can totally spam a whole load of questions here right now. But before that, i need to blog about our new principal first ^^

Before school ended, i got a lashing from Mr Vasu telling me how bad my results were and stuff like that. He badly wanted to see my mother and kept interrogating me like i'm a prisoner damn. ._. I told my mom that the principal wanted to see her. But she was lazy to go down *F3~* So i told her that she can go see principal when i'm having my dance camp. Hehehe... That's like end of holiday already. But sadly, the school called her up and said we have to go down to get my report slip lol.

I was dreading today, cuz i'm so afraid its Mr Vasu. He'll definitely make me feel terribly rejected. I was praying for Mr Ng or the new principal. I know Mr Ng is also kinda harsh at times but at least not as harsh as Mr Vasu. -_- LOL. Okay so it was the new principal, Mdm Valerie Goh.

I stepped into the principal's ofc, prepared for the worst of the worst LOL~! She was so motherly. I feel like she's my second mother for the few minutes that she talked to me. "In order to relieve your stress, you need to find someone to talk to. You must know how to be able to handle this level of stress. You can talk to your mother. Or me if you dont mind. even if its complaining about teachers, i wont mind." This was only a super small part of the conversation i kinda had with her. I totally expected the opposite...  She made me feel very warm for that moment haha. But be caution, she said she'll be strict with attire. I mean, c'mon... It's kinda expected from a female principal. I got so pissed off with that Owl face principal in Yuying last time. TOTALLY PISS ME OFF. I really hope Mdm goh wont be as strict... One good thing was, she didnt say anything about my hair colour. So it definitely means its not obvious ^^. She told me to get haircut cuz my fringe is almost touching my eyes. & caught my skirt too... LOL... Nevermind~

I'm gonna trim my fringe a little today. It's kinda screwed and i'm unhappy with it. Totally.... ._. But i dont think i'm gonna cut my hair during CNY. :) After hair trim ima go Somerset to have Marche with mom and my brother. Reason being, Spencer hasnt ate it before and mom thinks he should try it. LOL~ Okay..

Should i start my negative post now? Yes. you need a little abit of negative ions to balance the whole post out lol~ :)

1. Come to think of it, i do not need a flawless face anymore. I just want a face that everyone thinks "Ah she's having puberty. It's alright to have afew pimples.."

2. I've found another kind of Christopher Ng (CN). Sorry to <<<< for naming him out but yeah. Since he was the only one who gave me such a bad memory in the past, i could only name him. This CN no.2, i havent met before. I dont know why he's doing in my list either. I seriously need to clear my facebook friendlist. It's annoying me. He havent met me before, AND HE KEEPS TALKING LIKE I'VE KNOWN HIM FOR YEARS. Damn it sorry but i think i know Church guy (Dont think i should say his name even though i know some of you know him.) more than him. No this is not the point. The point was, i found him telling another girl "You're my girlfriend ma~" "I like you ma~" Mushy stuff like that. -.- Hello not that i'm jealous, i'm just disgusted by these kind of people. Did you guys see my Facebook status? I'll copy it here in case you're not a friend of mine in Facebook.

"People who search for online boy/girlfriends either have no brains or are just plain desperate. I don't understand how a guy can say sweet shits to countless of girls without even meaning it. HELLO WE AIN'T TOYS YOU BISH(ES)!"

I'm sure there is nothing wrong with this sentence at all. I can say directly at those people's faces that THEY ARE TOTALLY MAJOR SORE LOSERS. If you cannot find a boyfriend/girlfriend, STAY SINGLE YOU IDIOT. Is it so hard? If you seriously need to satisfy your needs, why not go find a chicken or a duck. -.- I despise people like you. 

3. Those fairytale thoughts in my mind every night is very surreal. Its so saddening to know that it wont come true and its only meant to be in my dream. It took me almost 2 years to get your ONE virtual reply. Will i have to wait another 2 years to get another reply? Ohman...

Enough negative ions lol. Bye...

Always expect the unexpected.

HI! Sorry for not posting lol... There was nothing much going on in my life for the past few days.. Hehe. I wanted to post now cuz i'm feeling very happy ^^ I'M JUST SO HAPPY!!!! I can seriously just flood this post with "OMG I AM SERIOUSLY SO HAPPY BECUZ OF ONE EMAIL CONSISTING OF ONLY 2 SENTENCES."

Okay i kinda understand that no one will understand what kind of STUPID situation i'm in, not even my closest friend (not like i really have one...) . Actually someone understands... Winnie! Oh man i love her. I dont really wanna explain either. One sided kind of feelings lol, for 2 years (almost..) I'm feeling so Oh Hani LOL!! & Its also a fact that he is like Kim Hyun Joong. ._. Except i dont think he's mean.. The first time i watched Playful Kiss, the first person that came into mind was him LOL. That's why i could get over with SA2.

*SMILES WIDELY* I'm still happy :D

Quit the happiness for a lil while... I...... am going to school tomorrow with mommy to get my report slip. Awman i'm dead. :( Okay i mean i feel dead. I know the principal's gonna nag at me very badly. :( What should i do? Haha.. I SERIOUSLY NEED TO ADMIT I CANNOT DO A PROPER POST IN THE KIND OF MOOD I AM IN NOW. I can only flood "I AM SO HAPPY" right now. BYE!

Low self-esteem.

Sorry. I really dont feel like doing that stupid Day 1 day 2 day 3 thingy already. Totally wasting my time only. LOL.... I dont really know what to write. <- Omg i cant believe i said that sentence. ._. Okay it'd be a totally random post.

Went out with Geraldine and Liqian today. Very zibei you know. Can you imagine 2 pretty ladies beside you and you're the only one fat, the only one who looks tall when she is not really tall, the only one who feels very odd. -_- Tsktsktsk i cant believe i felt that today. I mean i havent felt such a thing in such a long time. You know why that kind of idiotic feeling suddenly came back?

Because when we were slacking in mac, a bunch of fucking ahbengs came up and asked for Geraldine's and Liqian's number. LIKE IRRITATING ONLY. 3 times you know. They kept trying you know. Not that i'm jealous. THEY ARE JUST LIKE, desperate. But it just kinda tells me that they are very pretty and i'm like the............. how do you say? People will judge me. "Aiya not that fat one la. That sexy hour glass shape girl beside the fat girl. Help me ask her number leh." This kind of thing. -.- ZZZ.

Fuck my life la. I cannot stand how Singaporean guys judge girls sia. Cb find girls to fuck only. -.- & hor, those girls who let them fuck right, STUPID UNTIL I GOT NO WORDS TO DESCRIBE THEM. Sorry i'm just very prejudiced against boys who are borned in Singapore. I know there are like a handful who are good man. But ha, it's rare. I've given up hope on SG boys. lol. I really wished my boobs was smaller........ ._. I rather be flat than big. I know i'm stupid or whatever, I DONT CARE. I want my arms to be smaller. Damn i hate myself. I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE MYSELF AND THATS IT.

Wow the post has turned so vulgar. Enough no matter how much i say about this bitchy matter, nothing changes. So i bought my iphone 4 yesterday. I'm happy with it LOL. Download Tango please everyone~~! It's fun~ Heheh. :D

Wanrong, you shouldnt have did it...

Yesterday night, i found out from Yvonne that Wanrong commited suicide.. Hey girl do you know that commiting suicide cannot solve anything? Yes it can probably solve the fact that you do not need to go to Normal Acad but have you thought about the feelings of everyone else, especially your parents and brother?

I was terribly shocked when i heard about it. I couldnt believe that it was actually reality, really. The worst thing was, almost all knew like in the evening and i'm sure i'm one of the few who knew at 9plus in the night. I went to ask Jonas for the truth because i heard from someone else that all 3E2 students were called back to school? He told me she jumped down building... Totally felt the sharp pain. HOW COULD SHE DO IT!?!?! He called me afterwards to tell me more information. If he told me earlier that i could go pay my last respects to her earlier yesterday, i wouldve gone.. :( But when i called him, it was already 10.30! I was already in my pajamas!

Even though i'm not a close friend of hers, she still made me smile sometime in my life.

She'd show her concern to people in school who are not even close to her. She took the initiative to talk to me, to know me.

When i got back my poor bio SA2 results, she asked if i was okay because i looked like i could almost burst into tears any moment...

Sometimes if i pass by her in school, she'd always smile to me so sweetly that i cannot help but open my mouth and say Hi. 

I still remember how you always walk up to me and tell me about Taemin!

Or those times during English mass lecture, when you see me day-dreaming, you'd ask me if i was thinking about Taemin with that very beautiful smile of yours. 

Girl you really shouldnt have did what you did..

You should have told someone about your problems.

Someone whom you think is really trustable.

Even though the memories i've had with you isnt that much, its all memorable..

You're such a nice person, i'm sure you'll go heaven.

Please rest in peace..

{UPDATED}

I just paid my last repects to Wanrong 2hours ago... Her body's cremated already... You know, i put myself in her dad's shoes. I could feel the pain her dad was feeling. Its so heartbreaking to see such a young and bright girl decided to end her life just like that. Her parents went through so much to bring her up. Just bringing her to earth is pure pain already.... Studies is not everything..... There are many NA students outside too. Yes its very depressing to drop to NA. But end your life and make the whole world suffer? Its really very painful.... When i saw her close friends crying, i imagined if one of the 7 passed away...... Dont need to say 7. People like Charmaine, Crystal, Nathalie, Trudy, Choolin, Dominic, Jonas, Brice or whoever that i've been close with before.. The feeling's terrible.... Its like a piece of you is gone. Even though i always "i-dont-care" things, I CARE. Wanrong i really hope you dont suffer anymore on top. Really.... Its really hell to go through hell even afterlife. God Bless You <3.....